my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
