Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
