tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
