he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
