he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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