he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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