he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
