i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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