i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
