i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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