It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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