My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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