Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize