i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
