So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
