it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just invented taco cereal.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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