The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
