Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
