the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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