I'm drive I can fine osifer
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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