If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
