What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You need a sexual gate keeper
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
