Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
