dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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