Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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