She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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