What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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