Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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