sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize