I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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