piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
