I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
