So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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