I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
