I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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