Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He? As in you personified your dick?
you never un-have a 4some
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
