so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
