I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize