So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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