my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
two words...techno handjob
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
