i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
