Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
