He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
