I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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