Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
