I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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