how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
