she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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