I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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