last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
