hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
