Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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