oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
