Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
