Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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