she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
