Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
