She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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