if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
