Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
