i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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