Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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