just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's never too late to be topless.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
