Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
