If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
