dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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