This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
