The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
