You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
