Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize