i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
