Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i dont even know how to be here
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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