Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
