i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have fence marks all over my body
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
