So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
