I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
