so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
