the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
