just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
