I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
