Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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