i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
