My hair reeks of homosexuality.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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