he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
