It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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