Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
