? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
