Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
