I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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