Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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