I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
