She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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