Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
