had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
