would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
