It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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